Monday, January 3, 2011


Definition : the result or achievement toward which effort is directed

This past year has seen many changes for our family. Many goals that where made where meet and achieved.
The beginning of 2010 saw us packing up everything we owned and moving south across this country. A new place to live was found, and jobs where filled. We layed loved one's to rest, and helped the best we could with the one's that are left. We fulfilled all of the comments we made to others in a timely manner and even stole a few moments for ourselves.

This year I am going to set goals for myself. Not many. Just a few. They won't be about loosing weight, eating better or exercising more. All of those are very good things to strive for in one's life.
No, for me it will be about "giving myself a break". My husband told me that last night as he held me in his arms while I broke down and cried. You see, I admitted to him last night just how much I struggle with my demons of the past.
Sometimes they are so overwhelming that all I can hear is their nasty voice in my head, tearing me down.

I could tell you the whys and what's of how they came to be there, but that will not help me obtain my goal.
"Giving myself a break" for me will be to live in each day. Rehashing the past does not change what happened and only serves to taint or ruin the day you are in.
My goal is to truly believe that I am all my husband needs, loves and wants. (not to give it the lip service of "I know" when he tells me) That I make him happy just by loving him. (not by what I cook or how I clean)
To believe that I am a good mom/parent. That I did the best for my kids when life didn't turn out the way I envisioned it.
To believe that I am as good of a person that I keep striving to be.
This road will not be easy. It will be measured in a day by day way, and sometimes hour to hour. I know I can do this though. I have already started with the beginning of the witch's new year. Some days are just harder to get through than others. But I will not give up! I will not loose myself again. This time, I am fighting every step of the way.

The other personal goals are directed towards my spiritual self. My continued study and practice of the Pagan way. I Just started receiving several of the books that I ordered on-line. Very excited about going through them and learning all I can.

Our family will see changes too this year. From my daughter finally getting her own car in a few months to the addition of another 4 legged friend.
We are moved, we are settled, and we belong here more than any other place I have ever been. It is time to get down to the "living" of this life.

1 comment:

  1. My life, for your love. Always. From now, until the end of time. Through this life and into the next. You are now, and always will be the best part of me. The best part of my life. I would do it all again. Re-live every moment, good or bad, re-make every decision no matter the cost it brought me, experience the love and the pain to get back to where I am now. Here, with you. To one more day.